The Day After…

I often wonder the internal world of everyone involved on the day after an event. Is it recovery? Realization? Relief? Grief at returning back to a new daily normal? Is it gratitude? Maybe a mixture of all of it.

We all have moments in our lives that we point to that was a beginning, or an end to a cycle, a season or a period of time that was an event in our lives that disrupted our norms. I think of America and the culmination to Independence Day and every day thereafter in the life of our nation. The walking out of a new normal. Trading the known challenges for the unknown. There is always a price to pay for breaking from status quo. Sometimes those costs are known and counted beforehand and other times they are discovered in the aftermath with a resolve to own them as the price for change.

There is a cost, price and reward to every Yes and every No. Do we consciously make them? Saying yes to a stye of relating means saying no to another. Young America said “no” to continuing its reliance upon England which meant saying “yes” to having to live off of its own resources and infrastructure. This meant adjusting lifestyles to not having English imports of foods, materials, alliance and other things. I wonder how many citizens bemoaned not having their usual cup of English Breakfast tea after July 4th? And how long it would be until an American alternative tea was found as an acceptable replacement. Tastes have to change to adapt to new norms. Remembering the why behind the what.

This is true across all parts of life. When we say “no” to a relationship that was unhealthy or cost us too much to maintain it we are saying “yes” to possibilities of new relationships, first with ourself. Being willing to be alone for a while as we regain a sense of peace in holding space for what is in formation.

It was this day, 4 years ago, that marks an event and a season of my life. A man that had intermittently expressed interest in me for a year prior was ready to step up to the plate. I had longed, prayed and waited for this moment to come as my pain at having been pushed/pulled and confused by hot/cold dynamics had manipulated my mind and emotions into believing he was “the one.” In the months that followed, I was able to observe him up close and experience the reality of a man that I had built a fantasy with in my mind. Since I had such little interaction with him the mystery of who he was before gave way to a realization that this is someone who was skilled in deception. Piece by piece, I began to pick up the intuitive clues that alerted me to a double life that he was leading. I did not have all the evidence, yet I didn’t need it because my intuition knew enough to know it was time for me to say “no” to this relationship so I could be available to say “yes” to a better one. I later discovered and met the woman he maintained a long-term relationship with as he simultaneously marketed himself as single on dating apps, accruing a collection of women who provided him conversation, validation, sexual favors and companionship anytime that suited his whim. It was this season of my life that triggered my moment of catalytic clarity. God was getting my attention by reminding me that in order to have the genuine article- I have to let go of the counterfeit. While the moment of decision marks my life, the day after is rife with emotion. Walking out a “yes” or a “no” has its own gravity. Remembering the why behind the what…. What is my longterm vision and goal? How does this event play into the realization of that vision? How can I care for myself and my vision while being in the messy middle of not attached to the old and not yet attached to the new? It is this precious and profound space that God does His finest work in the human heart. The shifting of allegiance, a break from an old values system to a new one. My mind now goes to the story of Israel as they were led out of Egypt under Moses’ leadership and then wandered through the dessert for 40 years until arriving at their Promised Land. The longing to return to what was familiar plagued many hearts and minds, creating a bitterness and resistance to change that prolonged the journey. There were new and unprecedented obstacles to overcome yet those that embraced the cost of the “yes” were able to lay hold of their promised victory. If you’re living in the Day After…. remember why you said NO to the former and what the YES is that you are moving towards. If you’re not there yet it doesn’t mean retreat. It may mean surrendering your heart to God in this process. You will see how he removes obstacles and fights your enemies on your behalf.